Monday, April 13, 2009

So ticked...disappointed...pissed....

As I said earlier, Cameron is up in Virginia Beach with her Gigi.  Hubby and I were nervous about her going up there solo for a couple reasons....

1. flying by herself
- what if she got scared and there was no one there to comfort her, etc.

2. The involvement in the trip by Gigi's on-again-off-again evil spouse
- this is a long historical issue, but I'll try to keep it short....

The evil one is a manipulative person in my opinion....He has never treated my Mother well and is (again in my opinion) mentally abusive to her.  There is a very distinct pattern in this relationship: my Mother will get strong and leave and then get suckered into feeling sorry for him and let him back in.  I've had a couple experiences with him to see first hand how manipulative he is and while I can not control my Mother or the choices she makes in her life, I can, however, choose what influences my family has in their lives.  I have sat down with my Mother and explained my position and gave her very specific examples of how I have come to my decisions.  She told me she respected those decisions and would honor them.  Even though they are currently on the outs, or so I assumed, I reiterated our wishes to which she said there was no issue.  

Today, I spoke with Cameron and she stated the Evil One was there with them.  I saw red, I immediately asked to speak with my Mother who said that they haven't spent a lot of time with him; in fact, he drove up separately and didn't spend the night with them at my brothers; that in fact he brought my grandmother and stayed with her.  Then instead of staying at my Nana's (in the same city) he stayed over at my sister's (where Cameron is staying).  He's going to spend Easter at my Aunt's house also.  My Mother states she felt sorry for him because he didn't have anyone to spend Easter with (hmmm? what about the niece in VA Beach or his own family in NY?!).  Why the sudden concern....she didn't have a problem with him being alone for any other holiday!!

I tearfully explained to her  how disappointed I was that she chose not to honor our wishes.  She stated that she misunderstood and since the Evil One had limited interaction with Cameron she didn't think she did anything wrong.  I told her that I didn't believe her and that I was sick of her picking and choosing what wishes of mine she would honor (yes, this has happened in the past).  I also said that the Evil One issue was the only stipulation Hubby had about the trip and how she probably ruined any chances of Cameron coming solo again.  She continued to play stupid so then I went on to review the reasons I've come to this conclusion to which she states she forgot?!  I then asked to speak with my sister and asked why she hadn't divulged to me why Evil was there...she said she thought I knew.  So I asked her to keep Cameron away from him as much as possible as I couldn't trust my mother to do this.  

I am so pissed and hurt that my Mother continues to disrespect our wishes like this.  The unfortunate thing is now (per my sister) my mother is cancelling her trip here for Emmy's Birthday in the next couple weeks because she doesn't want to be uncomfortable.  So already, this is becoming about something that it's not.  My sister also informed me that my Mother sat her down with the Evil One to explain why I don't allow him around my family...explicit examples were given to which he responds he doesn't remember.  And lo and behold that was my Mother's excuse also...that she didn't remember our one and only request and my "come to Jesus" meeting with her in the last year...Unbelievable!

I have resisted in airing dirty laundry, but I am so riled up, I needed to vent and after all this is my space to do this!

5 comments:

Missy said...

Kelly, I am so sorry this has happened. What a terrible predicament to be in - Cameron is there, you are home & your mom is somewhat ignoring your requests. Ugh! I hope & pray everything gets better. E-mail or twitter me if you wanna chat!

American in Norway said...

Kelly, I am so sorry... You know me, I would be PISSED as well... I will email you... just wanted to let you know I love ya, & am here!

Jen said...

This is so not good. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

JWilson said...

I don't allow my children to be with my mother when her current boyfriend is around. I am like you my mother is a big girl and can do what she wants but my kids are mine and I get to decided who they around. So far she has not broken the promise to keep them seperate but if she ever did I can't begin to imagine how I would feel.

I hope things get better for you and for your mother.

Shannon said...

Ugh. So sorry you are having to deal with this... and Cameron, and now Emmy, too.